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Free Energy Humor

: See also News:Humor

The lighter side of light. The gassier side of gas.

Misc. Images

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(Thanks Nathan Allan)]]

[[Image:Galaxies Collide full.jpg|right|frame|Galaxies Colliding In the constellation of Pisces, some 100 million light-years from Earth,

two galaxies are seen to collide. (PhysOrg Aug. 26, 2005) AND WE THOUGHT WE HAD IT BAD

(Which planet's insurance policy would cover that one?)]]

[[Image:99mph kid ride 400pxw.jpg|left|frame|Instead of spanking, consider taking your kid for a ride and

giving him/her the manual windshield wiper assignment. (Thanks Rich Kushinsky)]]

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Video:Perpetual Motion Machine - Red Green Show - Hilarious spoof on the perpetual motion mindset. Comedian inventor devises method for keeping his law mower running without having to purchase fuel. (PESWiki Jan. 24, 2008)

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Directory:Conservation > Directory:Conservation - With the likelihood of Christmas being tight for everyone this year, here's a way to cut back, saving time and energy. (PESWiki)

Funny Real Events

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Latest: Directory:Suppression > F-16s Ground Free Energy Inventor - Mistakenly thinking that the U.S. vice president was seeking him out, a free energy inventor had his pilot take evasive action when two F-16s showed up in their air space today, resulting in the F-16's forcing them to land. Thoughts about avoiding acting out of paranoia. (PESN and BeforeItsNews May 11, 2011)

April Fools

April Fools 2015

working on it

April Fools 2014
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Latest: Directory:Humor > Directory:Humor > Free Energy April Fools Photos 2014 - Here are a few photos I accumulated over the year in preparation for posting today mostly with the Anti-Gravity theme. (News:Pure Energy Blog April 1, 2014)
April Fools 2012
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Latest / Directory:Best Exotic Clean Energy Technologies: Directory:Humor > Directory:Humor > Directory:Cold Fusion > Directory:Andrea A. Rossi Cold Fusion Generator (E-Cat) > Electrochemists Sight Morons - Electrochemists from three major research institutions – NASA, MIT, and SRI – have announced the discovery of a remarkable new subatomic particle, dubbed by scientists the "Beta Decay Moron," or "BDM" for short. It has relevance in many of the "overunity" phenomenon being reported by free energy researchers. (PESN April 1, 2012)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Humor > Directory:Nuclear > Tiger Direct Announces World's First Home Mini-Nuclear Generator - "If you've been reading the online alternative press on the web, you've heard that this device actually exists. Designed by Rektor Siegle, the KUBE nuclear reactor can generate 1000KHGz of power, endlessly!" (TigerDirect April 1, 2012)
April Fools 2011
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Latest: Directory:Humor > Robot Federation awaits free energy power for domination - A malfunctioning droid more than 12 floors below the Denver airport divulged that an infinite power source would free them from the need to plug in and recharge, so they could amass their forces anywhere, and continue without stopping until they have achieved their ultimate objective of dominance over the planet. (PESN and BeforeItsNews April 1, 2011)
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Latest: Directory:Humor > Motor-less Motorcycle and More - Here's a collection of images I've compiled and prepared especially for our April 1, 2011 coverage, including Solar Powered Tai Chi Zero Point Energy Defined Run-of-the-Stairs Hydro GEET Grocery Cart Human-Powered School Bus Hydroelectric Dam Springs a Goat Leak Self-Looped Power Outlet Political Promises Could Provide Power Source Biomass-Powered Bird Plastic-Bottle-Powered Car. (Free Energy News and BeforeItsNews April 1, 2011)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Emergency Preparedness > You Might Be a Survivalist If... - You consider your extra large ham radio antenna as “broadband”. You know how to cook leather. You’ve ever been on a Soviet “Potential Threat” list. SWAT has ever asked to borrow a few of your guns. None of your vehicles have electronic ignition or pollution control.... (The Survival Mom September 15, 2009)
April Fools 2010
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Latest: Directory:Humor / Directory:Zero Point Energy > Directory:Vortex Technologies / Directory:Anti-Gravity / Directory:Electromagnetic / Directory:Radiant Energy > Energy from the vacuum (cleaner) - U.S. inventor, Dr. Thie, gets more than he had hoped for when he figures out a way to harness the vortex formed in his vacuum cleaner, combining the principles of quantum physics, Schauberger's vortices, and Tesla's radiant energy. (BeforeItsNews April 1, 2010) (PESN Examiner)
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Directory:Humor / Directory:Global Warming > Coca-Cola Fights Global Warming by Replacing CO2 with N2O in Soft Drinks - In an effort to curtail carbon emissions, the Coca-Cola Company has decided to replace carbon dioxide in their soft drinks with nitrous oxide. "Laughing gas has the same fizz everyone loves with the added bonus of making people laugh." (BeforeItsNews April 1, 2010)
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Directory:Humor > Liebherr trackhoe acrobatics - A German trackhoe climbs a specially-made tower. Leave it to German engineering. Boys and their toys... (YouTube Feb. 02, 2009)
April Fools 2009
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Latest: Directory:Fuel Efficiency > Directory:Animal-Powered > 1 HP Vietnamese Hybrid Runs on Hay - A couple of rural Vietnamese inventors have turned the world of physics on its head by achieving a COP (Cow-efficient of Performance) far in excess of what was possible even a century ago. (Free Energy News April 1, 2009)
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Latest: Directory:Biofuels > Directory:Human-Powered > NatGeo Bus Powered by Passengers - The bussing authority in Atlanta in conjunction with NatGeo, a global biofuel research group, has been experimenting with a new approach to powering their bus fleet with the passengers that board the bus. Passengers enter through the jaws and exit through the tail pipe. (Free Energy News April 1, 2009)

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Directory:Human-Powered > Directory:Fuel Efficiency Extraordinary Loads on Ordinary Bikes - A collection of 20 images from around the planet, primarily in the developing world, where amazing feats of stacking and balance are achieved, and powered by human locomotion and ingenuity. (TreeHugger March 30, 2009)

April Fools 2008
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Directory:Zero Point Energy > Zero Point Energy Inventor Self-Destructs - Oregon Vortex resident, Tniop Orez, nearly solved the riddle of harnessing zero point energy when on midnight of Friday 13, he successfully divided by zero, only to realize he did not have a control mechanism in place. (SpaceTimes April 1, 2008)

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Directory:Biofuels > Biofuel On-the-Go - Indian taxi driver grows his own biofuel on the fly. Clippings-catcher on lawn mower in the trunk is directed to an on-board biodiesel maker. Between passengers, driver cuts enough genetically-modified super-fast-growing grass to fuel the next stint. (HempNext April 1, 2008)

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DIY > DIY Automobile Kit Announced - IKEA is thinking about selling cars, but only to advanced IKEA customers. Some assembly required. (MakeGeek April 1, 2008)

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Directory:Human-Powered > Asian Child Mimics Hydro Plant - Energy savant child, Kazuo Hydrohuko, has discovered how to harness the power of municipal water fountains. The method doubles as an effective enema. (Josu Kideng April 1, 2008)

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Man-Blubber: A Biofuels Bonanza!- Mac Johnson wrote "I once considered writing a column on the possibility of man-blubber as biofuel and discarded the idea as too ridiculous even for parody. I now see that when it comes to the current mania for biofuels, 'too ridiculous' is a difficult point to reach." (Energy Tribune March 13, 2008)


April Fools 2009

April Fools 2008

April Fools 2007

April Fools 2006

Best April Fools Jokes (Museum of Hoaxes)

Daylight Savings Crisis

Daylight Change Crisis - Demanding a Climate Catastrophe Resolution from loss of light.

Countdown to Darkness meter

Global Warming

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Directory:Humor > Directory:Environment > Directory:Environmental Impact > Directory:Conservation > Earth Hour a Superficial, Cheap Conscience Salve (Video) [Caution: crude language and humor] - In a recap of 2011, comedian, Deek Jackson, provides a hilarious and insightful overview of all the hypocrisy and shallowness of "Earth Hour". He later also addresses the rising oil prices. "The ultimate environmental indulgence: ...In exchange for just one hour spent in the dark, you can be absolved of all consumerist sins accrued over the rest of the year." (YouTube / FKN Newz January 24, 2012)
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Two Sides of the Same Coin (video) - The Stuart David Show -- Episode 12 -- A Foothill in the Mouth, provides a good-natured poking fun at environmentalism and extremism from either end of the spectrum. (Vimeo Apr. 2009)

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Directory:Global WarmingHumor:Hundreds Attend Global Warming Protest - How much of a carbon footprint will these environmental protest flakes leave behind? .08 Minutes. (YouTube Feb. 2, 2009)

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The Grinch '08

The Grinch '08

"And with global warming," the Grinch grinch-ish-ly screamed,

"The only White Christmas will be in their dreams!"

"It's a scientific fact - there's no doubt any more!"

"Only fools celebrate Christmas but deny Al Gore"

Free Energy

Free Energy Blog:2016:02:01 – has posted a fun spoof on our skeptics. (Free Energy Blog February 1, 2016)

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Latest: Directory:Humor > Laws of Physics declare the Bumble Bee to be a FRAUD - Their wings are entirely too small to be able to enable them to fly. "There must be some kind of trickery involved," says Hartmann of, "maybe hidden strings from the sky." Michael Adolph of E.ON decries the scientific blasphemy. Dansie notes that the inventor of the bee has a long history of making false claims. (PESN July 23, 2015)
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Latest / Directory:Buyer Beware / Directory:Humor: Directory:Noble Gas Engines > There was an error working with the wiki: Code[1] > Modified breadboard of John Rohner's Not-So-Inteligentry perpetual-motion circuit - Peter Amiet presents his napkin drawing version of the noble gas engine controlling circuit. Be sure to note the magic smoke, moral rectifier, electric eel, scarab beetles, solder blob, sun connector, holy water, and decoy. (PESN December 30, 2012)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Nikola Tesla > Why Nikola Tesla was the greatest geek who ever lived - Humorous, insightful, concise presentation of the history and accomplishments of Tesla from the perspective of geeks, includes entertaining text and images. (TheOatmeal May 1, 2012)
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Latest / Directory:Best Exotic Clean Energy Technologies: Directory:Humor > Directory:Nuclear > Directory:Cold Fusion > Directory:Andrea A. Rossi Cold Fusion Generator (E-Cat) >Hitler Panics Over Rossi's Energy Catalyzer - A parody compiled by Hank Mills has Hitler bemoaning: "If cold fusion technology hits the market place the oil industry will lose BILLIONS of dollars in profits! Hot fusion research will come to an end too! All the funding will be lost! How can we convince people to keep using fossil fuels if cheap, clean, and abundant energy from cold fusion is available?" (PESN and BeforeItsNews July 5, 2011)
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Directory:Humor > Free energy zones: Message from the Galactic Federation of Light 5/28/12 - I filed this under humor, but it wasn't posted as humor. Channeler, Greg Giles actually thinks "free energy" refers to the devices themselves, not just the source from the environment and he says they're coming soon from the Galactic Federation (who will allegedly intercede in this manner, but not in the arrest of the conspirators) for home power but not for vehicle power. Register telepathically now. (AshtarCommandCrew May 28, 2012)
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Directory:Humor / Directory:Conspiracy / Directory:Oil > Directory:Oil > SolyndraGatePocalypse - Animated cartoonist, Mark Fiore has created a hilarious spoof on renewable energy subsidies compared to the subsidies paid to the oil companies and other rackets they have going for them. (Mark Fiore September 21, 2011)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Wind > Human Wind Tunnel - Have you ever wished you could jump in a vertical wind tunnel to try out your skydiving acrobatic skills and coordination with other jumpers? This is better than coordinated swimming routines because it's 3-D. These guys are phenomenal. At first, it looks like they're in some kind of spinning glass ball. (Wimp June 1, 2011)
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Directory:Humor > Congress Repeals Ban on Perpetual Motion Machines - In a bold move to lessen our dependence on traditional fuels and decrease carbon emissions, Congress voted to repeal an old Republican ban on perpetual motion machines, clearing the way for the development of self-propelled water wheels, self-flowing flasks, float belts, zeromotors, and other environmentally-friendly industrial equipment. (The Peoples Cube Oct. 24, 2009)

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Magnet Motor. (YouTube December 03, 2008)

- - - -


Free Energy Blog:2013:12:13 - This family knows how to have fun making viral Christmas videos. I bet some of you could come up with pretty creative stuff too! (Free Energy Blog December 13, 2013)

Renewable Energy

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Directory:Humor > Directory:Wind > Coal Lobby Warns Wind Farms May Blow Earth Off Orbit - Over-the-top-hilarious. Panelists debate whether the U.S. is doing enough to heed the warnings of coal industry scientists who say turbines could blow the Earth right into the sun. See the latest ads run by the wind and solar industries. (Onion October, 2011)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Electromagnetic > Motorcyclists show how it feels to be an electron (video) - In a "cage of death" demonstration, six motorcyclists pull stunts that resemble an atom. The act was put on by the Nan Shi Theatre acrobatic troupe in Shanghai. A variation on the old Wall of Death motorcycle circus act, one, then two, then three and eventually six riders enter a metal cage and tear round the inside together. The criss-cross stunt with five riders inside is particularly jaw-dropping. (YouTube August 6, 2008)

Mythion Impossible!


(.49 Minutes) frosty the coalman 2 For

Ludicrous coal industry redoing of carols. (YouTube December 11, 2008)

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Directory:Clean Coal - These "Clean Coal" Carolers are so bad, they are good! The American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity (ACCCE), who will get coal in their stockings, had an interactive site, but the environmentalists screamed so loudly, the page was pulled. (PESWiki Dec. 20, 2008)

Perpetual Motion

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Latest: Directory:Humor > OK Go launches new music genre: Autio Power - These guys perform their latest composition via strategically-placed instruments along the road which are struck/played while their accelerating in a Chevy Sonic, all for a Super Bowl commercial. Totally off-subject. But we gotta have fun sometimes, right? My chance to share some clips from one of my favorite singing/performing groups. Be sure to see their Rube Goldberg music video too. (PESN February 6, 2012)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Rube Goldberg Samples > Ultimate Rube Goldberg (video) - If you ever wondered what an engineer does when he's been layed off from a job, take a look. Produced by Baynham & Tyers (more videos on their site), but not as a publicity stunt, as that company is no longer active, founded by two Manufacturing Engineering graduates from Cambridge.
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Directory:Humor > Fahrtwind Award > Fahrtwind Award Second Prize: Brazilian Bellows - Finally, after 8 years, we have found another worthy contestant for the Fahrtwind award. This one proposes to use the rotation of the tires to compress air which can then be used to push the car from behind, gathering sufficient energy from motion down the road. (FreeEnergyNews December 23, 2011)

Perpetual Motion Found!

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:1.30 Minutes.

Perpetual motion is reality. This is legitimate scientific proof of working perpetual motion!


:YouTube January 29, 2007

Silly Stuff

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Directory:Humor > Blond Woman Finally Adds Quart of Oil to Her Engine - I don't think her technique is correct, but at least she's using the correct weight of oil? She didn't even get her hands dirty. (News:Pure Energy Blog July 23, 2013)
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This lizard does this every day and really seems to like it. Sometimes he gets thrown off and is right back up there again. We have thousands of them, they eat lots of bugs. There was an error working with the wiki: Code[1] has been dropping in population due to other sub-species. (YouTube Sept. 10, 2008)


:2.54 Minutes. Lizard-Go-Round

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There was an error working with the wiki: Code[1] > How to stop cats pissing on your car - Australian comedian and do-it-yourselfer, Craig Turner, shows how you can rig your car's auto-lock feature onto your garden hose, triggered by your motion detector, to give the neighborhood felines second thoughts about hanging around your car. Complete with camera array. Before trying this yourself, read the opening warning. (YouTube May 1, 2011)
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Directory:Human-Powered > Directory:Fuel Efficiency Extraordinary Loads on Ordinary Bikes - A collection of 20 images from around the planet, primarily in the developing world, where amazing feats of stacking and balance are achieved, and powered by human locomotion and ingenuity. (TreeHugger March 30, 2009)

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Directory:Human-Powered >10 Weird Forms of Human Transportation - Having fun using arms, legs and others to get around. Fred Flintstone would be proud! (TreeHugger Jan. 26. 2009)

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Directory:Oil > US: security features of new five-dollar bill are on the money - "The redesigned five-dollar bill's enhanced security features help ensure we stay ahead of counterfeiters and protect your hard-earned money," Federal Reserve Board official Michael Lambert said at a ceremony to launch the new bill. (AFP March 13, 2008)




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Powerless Products Ltd - A spoof site of an 'all too real' Ohio-based company that is currently engaged in deceiving investors & prospects in myriad of multiple 'power & energy savings' schemes that repeatedly fail to perform as marketed.

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Carbon Belch Day - I pledge I will do my best to increase my CO2 output and unleash a Carbon Belch on the planet. I do this with no fear or concern that I am destroying the planet. In fact, I think a good Carbon Belch can be healthy now and again.( May 22, 2008)

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Directory:Rube Goldberg Samples - Examples of cause-effect, transfer of energy from one form into another. Some of the effects might at first seem magical, but upon closer inspection, each can be explained. So it is with "free energy". In addition to gravitational pull and kinetic induction, transference methods illustrated also include wind, flywheels, and magnets. (PESWiki)

Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division (DMRD) - The controversy surrounding dihydrogen monoxide has never been more widely debated, and the goal of this site is to provide an unbiased data clearinghouse and a forum for public discussion.

GeekCulture on Peak Profits

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Best Solar-Power Commercial Ever? - How much energy comes from the Sun at any given moment? Too bad we don't use more of it. Ad by Solon. (TreeHugger Sept. 14, 2006)

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Boonsburg Egg -- Simple Moving Machine - Simple double disk design used to manipulate and move very heavy objects. Simple design humorously claimed to be identical to Ancient Egyptian "Sun Disk" and similar circles seen at Stonehenge and Coral Castle.

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Hang Gliding and Parachute Follies (1 min) - For these Darwin Award candidates, soaring on the wind is not always so friendly or gracefully executed. (YouTube May 26, 2006)

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Fill 'er up! - Cartoonist Mark Fiore lampoons American public and corporate greed that myopically drives global instability from our collective addiction to oil. (CBS News May 4, 2006)

710 Problems Under the Hood - A lady recently came into a mechanic shop saying that she was missing her seven-hundred-and-ten and needed a new one. Finally, after pointing to one in another car in the shop, the mechanic figured out what the problem was.

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Bush on Global Warming - Comedian Will Ferrell spins the Administration's enlightenment, or lack thereof, on the hot issue of our day. (TransBuddha)

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Fahrtwind > Wind-Powered Car - The funniest thing about this one is that they seem to think they really have something here. Nothing like lifting yourself up by your own shoestrings -- or powering your car by the wind created from driving down the road. (YouTube Dec. 22, 2006)

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Top 10 Contestants for Women Drivers Award - Just wait until we have flying cars! That will certainly make this contest yet more interesting! The winner of this present contest would have been a contender. Things to come.

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Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner - In a nationally televised address reminiscent of President Kennedy's historic 1961 speech pledging to put a man on the moon, President Bush responded to the global warming crisis Monday by calling for the construction of a giant national air conditioner by the year 2015. (Onion June 20, 2007)

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Flammy McGassy - Flash cartoonist Mark Fiore addresses the state of global warming, omitted in Bush' state of the union address, complete with silenced scientists. (CBS News Feb. 2, 2006)

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How Many Oil Wells do you think the groom owns? - Did she marry him for his big heart? (Thanks Rich Kuchinsky)

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This drill might have too much power - There is definitely a flip side to super-efficient batteries and high-torque motors. Maybe Flynn should take out some steroid insurance on his Directory:Joseph Flynn's Parallel Path technology. (FunniestStuff March 8, 2006)

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Green Roofs On Cars - Green roofs cool whatever is under them, eat pollution and produce oxygen. Zhishai, a Beijing taxi driver, thought that it might work in his cab he planted two square meters of lawn on his roof which keeps him cool and comfy in hot weather. (TreeHugger June 8, 2007)

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Statically Charged Man Ignites Office - a man wearing a nylon jacket over a wool shirt built up such a static charge that he left a trail of scorched carpet and melted plastic in his wake. (Slashdot Sept. 17, 2005)

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100% savings at the pump - Fuel Demon enables you to fill up without paying a cent. The only cost is some extra room and board. Not recommended for single guys trying to impress a date. (Funniest Stuff June 15, 2006)

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Addicted to Oil - Flash animation lampoons U.S. presidential administration policy regarding oil. Encourages action to "separate oil and state." (Huffington Post)

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Redneck Rollercoaster - Harnessing the power of the automobile for some redneck thrills. Give your dog something to bark at. (FunniestStuff, June 7, 2006)

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A Little Under-Powered - Documented evidence that a VW Rabbit is not designed to pull a travel trailer up a steep incline. Bicyclists happen to catch the whole drama. (FunniestStuff June 6, 2006)

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NASCAR Diaper Change - World record for speed spurs pit stop specialists to find true calling in life. (FunniestStuff June 20, 2006)

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Rebound glass keeps burgerlers at bay - Amazing glass deflects attempt at breaking and entering, while taking care of the criminals at the same time. (Don't try 2nd law of thermodynamics experiment at home.) (FunniestStuff June 20, 2006)

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Those are some nice tires! - Solution presented for tight urban parking and slot competition, cutting down on parking time as well. The exit might be a little more difficult, though. (FunniestStuff)

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Don't Mess with Granny - Impatient yuppie in Mercedes gets what he deserves from elderly lady, waking her with a honk to cross the street. Brings new meaning to old bag.

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Free Energy Brain Analyzed - CAT scan reveals intricate patterns in the brain processes of a free energy research scientist. With no end in sight, the energy seems to come from nowhere.

Actual Question Submitted to Columnist Marilyn vos Savant - "Do you think daylight-savings time could be contributing to global warming? The longer we have sunlight, the more it heats the atmosphere." -- San Antonio, Tex. (Parade July 29, 2007)

Actual Headlines from 2004

:Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

:Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

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Directory:Humor > Directory:U.S. Government and Energy > There was an error working with the wiki: Code[1] - A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." ... (PESWiki Oct. 2010)

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Directory:Vacuum > Directory:Humor > Energy from the Vacuum - Hilarious commercial illustrates the power of energy from the vacuum. (Vimeo June 1, 2011)

Lethargy (Reaching Critical Mass)

Administratium (Ad)

by William DeBuvitz

(This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.)

"The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising."

Further Research:

"Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You'll know it when you see it."

Administrontium (Am)

by Ellin Beltz

"The first photograph of crystals of a newly discovered element were taken using special equipment developed by Physics Non-Department Professors recently, according to a press release distributed by University Disinformation Tuesday.

The element, called Administrontium by its discoverers at California M and M University, is the heaviest element yet discovered by scientists. Created in their massive confusion reactor, the element has no protons or electrons and an atomic number of zero. However, it has one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312. The higher level particles are held together by a continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons, while lower level particles are held together by peons. The absence of electrons precludes covalent or ionic bonding, but Administrontium has a different form of bonding, referred to by some California M and M workers as a sort of "old boy network" or male bonding.

Dr. Inrico Squirmi of the Physics Non-Department said that the discovery of Administrontium answers questions long unsolved by physicists such as why certain reactions take immeasurably longer in atoms with high numbers of neutrons. He said it appears that even elemental samples considered pure may contain traces of Administrontium. "Even a little Administrontium is enough to slow down a simple reaction," he said, adding that one reaction which should occur in less than a second required over four days to complete after exposure to Administrontium.

Squirmi explained that since Administrontium has no electrons it is chemically inert and has a normal half-life of approximately three years. However, Administrontium does not actually decay in three years, but undergoes a reorganization during which the assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. He added that the atomic number may actually increase after each reorganization although scientists have never been able to find the additional neutrons but their presence can be inferred by an increase in mass and inertia.

California M and M scientists reported that they found Administrontium occurring naturally, once they knew the unusual nature of the element. It has been found most significantly in excellently appointed office buildings in the Western nations, South America, Africa and parts of Asia. In addition, archaeologists have discovered concentrations of it in the ruins of Egyptian and Chinese cities. Russian scientists report that levels of Administrontium in Moscow actually fell slowly after the Chernobyl disaster, according to sources in the former Soviet Academies of Science. American researchers point out, however, that the Russian results have not been confirmed by independent testing.

Another Physics professor at this institution, Dr. Far Out Om, said that although Administrontium has been considered toxic in any concentration since it slows or destroys productive reactions, new research indicates that the pathway of its effects is similar to that of calcium/strontium replacement. "Administrontium replaces the skeleton, if you will," he said, "It is a very, very nice reaction. Very slow, but irreversible." He added "Once Administrontium takes over, you will never, never get rid of it, no matter how much money you can spend."


"Scientists have released the secret of the source of Administratium Administratium is refined from a repulsive amorphous material similar to a thick petroleum tar but much more viscous and sticky. This substance is known as Bureaucratite.

Bureaucratite should be avidly avoided as it almost completely freezes progress. Anything unfortunate enough to venture into a deposit of Bureaucratite is instantly trapped and becomes entirely coated with the bituminous mess, although it may take weeks or months to sink out of sight into a deposit. Many creatures, long extinct, have been discovered within such quagmires but better preserved than those found in ice or tar pits.

Extraction from a deposit, should one be so lucky, is always excrutiatingly long and painful and rarely completely successful. Many unfortunates are haunted by innocuous bits of the stuff which always turn up in the most unexpected places and inconvenient times. People unlucky enough to have been exposed to bureaucratite have exhibited dangerously raised blood pressures, heart rates and bodily temperatures along with extremes of emotion."

Bureaucratritium (Bs)

According to work done slowly by the National Institutes of Disease in Bedstead, Maryland, Administrontium can decay into a compound they have named Bureaucratritium. The toxic effects produced by Bureacratritium result in headaches, dizziness, bloating, an insatiable appetite, massive weight gains, inability to concentrate on work, compulsive copying and faxing, and eventually paralysis which ends after 15, 20 or 25 years. Persons suffering from Bureaucratritium exposure are recommended to take jobs in small, private companies where its effects can be mitigated by enterprise, initiative and risk-taking."

Governmentium (Gv)

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes, not to mention multiple oxymorons.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. That hypothetical quantity might normally be called "critical mass" but, in this unique case it is known as "critical mess".

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am), another just-discovered element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Update: Professor Lesley of the Grunhaus Project has studied the new element and advises on what happens when Governmentium is subjected to Fission reactions

Two new elements are created:

Agencinium : Atomic Mass: 200

Inquirimoronium: Atomic Mass 198

The location of Governmentium deposits is found in every US state capital, with a mother lode in Washington, D.C.

A UK correspondent comments: Governmentium may have just been discovered in the USA, but vast seams of it have been mined in the district of Westminster, London for several hundred years and has been exported to every city and town in the UK. Everyone who comes in contact with it becomes morose and apathetic. There is no known cure for an overdose, other than cutting it out and dumping it in mid-ocean.

Incredible Metals


There was an error working with the wiki: Code[5] - A fictional invulnerable metallic or crystalline substance which has seen extensive use in comics, cartoons and video games.


There was an error working with the wiki: Code[2].


Handwavium - Used to indicate a material that probably cannot even in principle be real and refers to a way of circumventing a problem by breaking the laws of physics. Use with discretion.


Mithril - A precious silvery metal, stronger than steel but much lighter in weight, that was mined by the Dwarves in Middle Earth.


Naqahdah - The building block for all There was an error working with the wiki: Code[3] technology, and the material used to handle the massive amounts of energy required to create a stable wormhole by a device known as a Stargate which is composed almost entirely of Naqahdah.


There was an error working with the wiki: Code[4], this one iscapable of generating near-limitless amounts of energy, and so can be used as a power source for many gadgets.


Scrith - A milky-gray translucent material impervious to all weapons used in Ringworld.


Thiotimoline - So soluble, that it dissolved in water up to 1.3 seconds before water is added. (Isaac Asimov)


There was an error working with the wiki: Code[6] - An extremely rare, costly, or physically impossible material needed to fulfill a given design for a given application but similar to wishsalloy.


There was an error working with the wiki: Code[7] - Dubbed "Anti-Metal" due to its unique properties in comics.

What a Gas!

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Latest: Directory:Humor / Directory:Fuel Efficiency > Directory:Transmissions > Humor:Turboencabulator - The Turboencabulator or turbo-encabulator (and its later incarnation, the retroencabulator or retro-encabulator) is a fictional machine whose alleged existence became an in-joke and subject of professional humor among electrical engineers. A must see video if you've not seen it before. Hillarious. (PESWiki Mar. 12, 2010)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Electrolysis > Directory:Hydroxy or HHO Injection Systems > BoredShortsTV does Kid Snippet on Hydroxy - Yahoo! I get to introduce you to one of my favorite entertainment / down-time YouTube channels by a group here in Utah, BoredShortsTV, who have been cranking out some hilarious videos in which kids voices tell a story line, and the adults act out the story line, lip-syncing with the kids’ audio. In this one, they run an electrolysis system. (News:Pure Energy Blog April 28, 2013)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Oil / Directory:Engines / Directory:Electric Vehicles > Directory:Electric Cars > What if Everything Ran on Gas? (video) - A silly advertisement by Nissan about their electric Leaf depicts a world in which everything is powered by polluting, petrol engines: microwave, food processor, blow dryer, cell phone, computer, copy machines, dental drill. (YouTube / Nissan May 26, 2011)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Fuel Efficiency > Directory:Fuel Efficiency Retrofits > Emergency Plane Landing - One of the funniest videos I've ever seen explores what happens when a passenger jet has to land on a freeway. Will the SUV hold up as makeshift front gear? Will the granny in the way survive? As for energy, this could go down as an exotic, albeit impractical retrofit for fuel efficiency. Note the mileage boost to the SUV. (YouTube February 18, 2007)
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Directory:Humor > Directory:Human-Powered > SpeedFit treadmill vehicle - You can now purchase a treadmill-powered walking/jogging machine. Instead of just walking or jogging, you could also get some metrics input and get some middle men involved to help the economy by spreading around your excess money that really should go to the buffoons who brought this to market. Great gift for politicians. (Huffington Post July 27, 2010)
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Directory:Oil > Directory:Ecological Impact of Oil > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > B.P.'s Word - P.R.-mageddon - Colbert points out that as long as Tony Hayward stays the public face of BP, he'll draw the stink off the rest of the company. He also points out that given the recent developments, the BP logo more closely resembles a green and yellow sphinkter. (PESN May 13, 2010)
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Directory:Oil > Directory:Ecological Impact of Oil > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > There was an error working with the wiki: Code[1] > BP's Live Hayward Cam - Fireworks not recommended for celebrating leak cap in the Gulf. After stoic CEO Tony Hayward refuses to take a pink slip from a robotic arm then fails to respond to a barrage of golf balls, tennis shoes and other junk shot items BP must strategically set parts of him on fire. (Colbert Nation July 27, 2010)
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Directory:Humor / Directory:Oil > Directory:Ecological Impact of Oil > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Colbert Report - Oil's Well That Never Ends - Stephen shows President Obama how to appear angry over the oil spill by ripping off his sleeves and beating up Tony Hayward. (PESN May 13, 2010)
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Directory:Oil > Directory:Ecological Impact of Oil > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Marshall Islands -- Nuke 'Em - Steven Colbert points out that BP operated under Marshall Island's flag because the safety examination of a rig under a foreign flag rig takes 4-8 hours as opposed to 2-3 weeks. Noting that the US detonated 67 nukes there in 12 years, Cobert points out: "It must be retaliation." (Colbert Report June 15, 2010)
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Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline - Spoof on news reporting of tragic accidents. This one is a gas! Video. 2.25 minutes. (Onion News Network Jan. 22, 2009)

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Smart Car's impact on cars of the future - See a gallary of what some of your favorite cars might look like if they were minaturized in the spirit of the Smart Car. Maybe you've already seen these, but I thought they were hillarious. Check out the Smorvette, Smaudi, Smamborghini, Smorsche (shown at right), Smerrari (Youtatech June 25, 2009)

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U.S. Govt. stages fake coup to wipe out national debt - Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, so faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy. Dressed as one of the attackers, Deputy Sec. of Agriculture, Charles Conner said, "You know, when someone dies and all their debts go away? Well, this is like that, except with countries." (Onion Aug. 5, 2009)

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Directory:Oil > Directory:Ecological Impact of Oil > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Directory:BP's Gulf Oil Volcano > Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters - Though no one knows exactly how much of the dangerous bullshit is currently gushing from BP headquarters, estimates put the number at somewhere between 25,000 and 70,000 words a day. Congressional hearings aimed at stopping the bullshit have thus far failed to do so, with officials from BP and its contractors Halliburton and Transocean only adding to the powerful torrents. (The Onion June 7, 2010)


Fictional Materials